| ~ Heimweh ~ (Seth x Mitsuka) (cont..) ???]?I |
[Jul. 15th, 2003|05:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dué le Quartz, Kagrra, Ash - Warning | ] |
[Arr. I don't feel so well at the moment...
I'm so paranoid, overprotective...what's my problem? ...it's not fair...not fair to feel this way...can't do this...
..anymore...
I'll write...and pray it makes the pain go away...]
The fear that Seth's presence induced in Mitsuka was almost sobering enough that he kept feeling the constant urge to leap up and run far away from Seth's ominous company. The whole charm of Seth was that he was dangerously attractive...but sometimes it just frightened him more than anything else. Seth always seemed to treat everyone the same, and Mitsuka doubted that Seth would treat him any better than he had treated Vahn. He always thought that maybe...just maybe he was inching closer to Seth, feeling by feeling, but then something would happen to strike down his hopes and leave him bitter and broken all over again. He could touch him and he could kiss him, but he was nothing but cold and unfeeling in return...
Mitsuka shut his eyes tight, vaguely registering Vahn's staggering footsteps as he retreated from the room. He was suddenly very aware of how cold it was in the room and he shivered slightly as Seth's hand closed around his wrist, waiting for the painful jerk or accompanying strike of his hand, but none came.
"I'm sorry, I didn't think-"
"It is obvious that you seen prone to not thinking." Seth said simply, and Mitsuka saw the smallest hint of a smile touch the corners of his mouth. There was a silence as Seth paused, Mitsuka neither wanting nor daring to speak as Seth's gracefully lithe fingers slide cautiously away from his wrist. Mitsuka stared defiantly at him for a moment, a brash move he knew he would probably soon regret as Seth titled his head upwards, his smile broadening slightly.
"Go. Now." he said simply, pointing to the door of his room lazily. Mitsuka stared at him for a moment, not sure what to say or whether to comply. He wouldn't really hurt him if he didn't obey, would he? Besides, what authority did Seth have over him?
"Why?" Mitsuka gruntled snidely, wearing a look of aggitation on his face that he was sure would irritate Seth. Seth merely looked amused if anything, gesturing once more to the door, his expression unchanging. "I don't think...I think I should just go to bed."
"I don't think that would be a good idea, love." Seth stated simply, not needing to look or sound ominous to get his point across : Mitsuka better do what he said, now, or he was going to regret it. Vaguely understanding, Mitsuka rose slowly and carelfully to his feet, trying to watch Seth and at the same time keep his balance as he dragged himself across the hardwood floor to come to a stop at Seth's door. He hesitated slightly as his fingers touched the cold brass doorknob, wondering exactly how mad Seth was, and whether he would regret it or not.
"C'mon, don't be slow." Seth murmured in his ear, the smoke from his newly lit cigarette reaching Mitsuka's nostrils as he exhaled.
"I'm sorry..." Mitsuka muttered quietly, "Are you...going to hurt me? I'm sorry, really..." His voice cracked slightly as he spoke, unable to contain his frustration as the words spilled forth from his mouth. He wasn't scared of being "punished", but he was scared of offending Seth, of displeasing him, of being pushed away again. He thought he had gotten closer, he believed he was so close, but now it had all been snatched away and reset again. He wanted to grab him and plead with him, plead for him to take him into his arms, to accept him and confide in him...but he couldn't. He was to afraid of the consequences...how could Seth ever take him seriously if he broke down crying like a child?
Will he ever take me seriously anyways?
He couldn't help but think this same thought over and over to himself as his hand turned the doorknob, inhaling the intoxicating scent of cigarette smoke that seemed to saturate Seth's room. It was maddening, the scent and sight of him as Seth wasted no time pushing him up against the wall. He smelled faintly of smokes and alcohol, the scent of blood standing out especially as Mitsuka breathed in the scent of him.
"Au contraire mon amour," Seth breathed in his ear, "vous serez punis."("On the contrary, my love, you will be punished.") Mitsuka grasped Seth's coat at his waist frantically, biting his lip hard to keep it from trembling. He wanted to run away, to cry out or fall to his knees in apology, anything but this eager submission...
"No," he gasped as Seth's cold finger pulled at the collar of his shirt, exposing Mitsuka's collarbone. Seth didn't seem to care, pulling the cigarette from between his lips as Mitsuka shut his eyes tight. Whether he wanted to or not, Mitsuka could not summon the words inside him to pass his lips, his arms gradually tightening around Seth's waist. There was nothing like this...there was nothing, nobody in the world who could make him feel safe and secure with such a simple touch as Seth did. It was ridiculous that someone who treated him so indifferently could make him feel as secure as he did - as loved as he did without showing any sign of love himself.
There was no comfort in Seth's eyes, only torturous indifference that would do nothing buy slowly drive Mitsuka mad. He wanted Seth, true, but he wanted to be more than a plaything to him, more than a toy for his amusement. It had hurt to realize this...that the one he loved did not love him back, and merely saw him as an object, but he knew that it was true. It didn't stop him from loving Seth, from craving everything about him from his touch to even a mere flicker of a glance. Seth was intoxicating, Seth was a very drug in himself, and every second that he was near him was like nothing he had ever experienced before.
"I said, N-no..." he whispered, suddenly realizing what he was doing and removing his arms frantically. He couldn't let Seth do this, he couldn't let him just take advantage this way...
To Mitsuka's amazement, Seth did stop, peering curiously into Mitsuka's eyes and leaning further against him, his face expressionless.
"No, eh?" he whispered, and at that moment Mitsuka felt a searing pain on his collarbone as Seth ground the end of his lit cigarette into Mitsuka's collarbone, smiling slightly with satisfaction as Mitsuka let out a sharp cry of pain. The wound healed the flesh over almost instantly, but the pain still throbbed worse than ever under the flesh of his collar.
"No?" Seth asked him sarcastically, baring his teeth slightly as he made to touch Mitsuka's face. The very tips of his fingers grazed along the flesh until he seized a handfull of Mitsuka's raven black hair and shoved his head down violently, forcing the younger vampire to his knees. "You don't...ever say no." Seth growled, never loosening his grip on Mitsuka's hair for the slightest second. Mitsuka, who was trembling with mingled fear and fury, didn't make the slightest response as Seth shoved him to the floor.
Was he so helpless? Was this the extent of everything he could do, lay here and let Seth hurt and use him? [Hey, I'm okay with that. >_>] He didn't want things to be this way...but there was nothing else he could do. His words, his pleas and his struggles meant nothing to Seth. Seth was powerful, and he was just a toy for his amusement, meant to be played with and cast aside when it's usefulness had been spent. All he could do was lay there, and hope that Seth would find him to be hopeless sooner rather than later.
"Sorry..." he muttered, raising weakly up onto his knees, still hardly in control of his body. He didn't like this feeling of hopelessness, resigned to knowing there was nothing he could do, no way he could ever overpower Seth's hold over him. It was with a numb kind of acception that he groaned loudly when Seth pulled him to his feet. He wanted Seth. He wanted him and it was hopeless to attempt to overpower him, wasn't it?
"You're not like I thought you were, did you know that?" Seth muttered over his shoulder, and Mitsuka was only vaguely aware of Seth's head resting against his shoulder from behind him. Seth seemed to be enjoying himself thoroughly, laughing slightly as Mitsuka let out a long, shuddering moan when Seth ran a pale ringed finger down his spine languidly. All of Mitsuka's muscles seemed to be quivering in want for Seth, unable to resist the touch of him, the sight of him...even Seth's scent seemed almost maddeningly enticing to him. He was torn between this and his anger for Seth, his body tentatively choosing one way and his mind firmly set on another. The urge to prove himself to Seth - to just hurt him for anything and everything he had ever done to him - welled up painfully inside of him, and it was even more painful to keep the feelings at bay. He wanted him...he wanted to see him hurt like he did...
[Shit, I have to cut this off again. Fucking sorry. >_< I'll revise and finish it later.
I'm gonna do something HP too. ?_?] |
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drunk